A short conversation (Part?): The Message, ‘meaning of life’

He was waiting for this day since long. He wanted to spend every single minute of this day, with her. He recorded his voice over his phone telling her how much he was missing her and wanted to be with her forever. But he was afraid that she would again rebuke him if he dared to contact her by any mean. He was forbid to even message her. He was dying inside. What he had planned, what had happened. No planning works when stars are not in your favor, he thought. In these thoughts he wrote an email and sent it to her.

Dearest Manu,Your beautification is your inner self that is cold and so warm the same moment. It allures me to pour all my love over you if there is any. I wish to hold your eye closing fragrance till I meet Him in heaven. I wish to touch your heart like forever as its mine since my first breath. I love you, yes I love you. 

Happy birthday, I wish you find all the love that you spread to the world. 

P.S.- I did not message you. 

Missing you.

He woke up early in the morning. Took a bath and got ready to go to the Shiva temple. He was praying for her wellness and all the happiness. Suddenly a breeze of rose petals broke his prayer. He opened his eyes and saw her standing right beside him, eyes closed, chunni over her head and her lips were mumbling some mantras. She was wearing a blue-white shalwar suit. And that green emerald ring in her right hand small finger was glittering like a star. Before she could come out of her prayer, he slowly took a step back, saw her one more time and rushed towards the exit gate. Before he could reach there he heard someone calling his name. He stopped and looked for Manu coz’ he knew it was only her.

Hey! Are you hiding form me? (She inquired.)

Hie, no why would I? I did not saw you. (I said.)

Alright. Whatever you say. So? How are you doing?

Nothing much, you say. (I thought why is she asking me these many questions?)

Well, it’s my birthday today. You might know. (Pause) That’s why I am here. Why are you here?

Why, is Shiva yours only? Or you would decide where should I be and where should I be not? (Till now I got irritated)

Oh, it’s nothing like that. I just asked. Can I not ask you anything?

I don’t know, you decide everything. You must know this as well.

Acha, where is my gift? You did not wish me even when I told you.
Hmm. (I nodded.)

What hmm? (Now she was getting irritated to see me behaving like a moron,)
Can I ask you something? She said.

I think you want to ask two questions more precisely, right?

Yes, (surprised) how do you know that I want to ask two questions only not more not less? (She asked)

I know a lot of things. And I also know that this is not one of your questions. So ask that first. Then you may ask any number of questions. I will not mind. (I softened my tone a bit seeing her disappointed with my answers.)

Okay. Why did you message me the very first time on Facebook? I mean, what did compel you to contact me like that? You never talked to me before that, we had no such acquaintance too. So, why?
(Before I could answer her first question she shot the second one straight to my eyes.)
And, why did you stop messaging me? I want true answers. (Her voice was firm.)

I heard her patiently. I started saying-
You remember, once I had told you that you are so defensive in nature. (And I adore you for this; I observed she was biting her lips. I was right.)

Whatever! (She did not like ‘me’ telling her that rather she widened her eyes to frighten me more. She looks cute though, doing that.) What if I am defensive? Why are you so concerned? And by the way that is not the answer of my question. So don’t waste my time and speak up.

I did not answer your questions yet. (I said.) Girls are not desperate if I had understood some of them right. Have patience and be with me while I tell you what you want to know.

Great you! You want to say that you are a Casanova that you understand every passing girl, tell me. Why do you always act so smart with me?

Will you stop stopping me every time? Can I ever talk without pressure that you put in my mind? (I asked.)

You never talk to the point. You always linger about the point whenever I ask you something. Anyway say what you were saying. I won’t interrupt you now.

Thank you. So the first one- ‘why did I message you?’ Well this is quite a question to answer so I chose to answer it later. Can I expect you to please respect my choice today? (I recalled something form her.)

I don’t know. (She was least bothered what I expect, I thought.)

The answer for second question is coz’ you asked me to; rather you expected something from me the first time. I had no option but to accept your ask. So I stopped messaging you.

I did not totally understand you what you just explained. I think you are being modest. (She tried to absorb everything I said.)

With you I am always being ‘me’ no matter what. And I believe you don’t judge me every time.

What do you mean every time?

Okay, sometimes. (I corrected myself according to her.)

I never judge you, Snehil. I just… (She wanted to say something.)

Just what, say it. (I insisted)

Forget it. (She boiled down me insisting her.)

So you won’t tell me? (She raised her eyebrows.)

I am telling you, and will tell you everything, be patient.

I cannot. You are again irritating me.

No, I am not. Manu, once I told you, if you remember, it’s never been a moment or occasion or time that I don’t feel Almighty God’s presence when I see you, I imagine you or mere think about you and it’s natural. I just don’t know why this happens. Initially I thought its infatuation then affection and then love. But believe me it’s much more than that. It’s sacred. There may be some stories that reach to their respective destinations but I don’t want to reach anywhere until you are with me. I am not sure if you are getting what I am trying to say but I don’t even want you to understand anything. There had been times when I was broken into thousand pieces and now I am complete to find you in my life. You expressed your feeling for me and I respect that and trust me I will never ever get what you have given me whence you said that you love me.

People live and go. Not everyone can find the true meaning of life. When I first saw you in that lift, I knew you are the meaning of my life. How and why I don’t know, it comes from here (he said touching his heart) and not from here (pointing his finger towards his mind). (She was listening to him very carefully.)
He continued,
Once I decided what my destiny would be, I wanted to follow her but I did never know anything about you and then destiny itself gave us a second chance to know each other when we met in that auto and you enlighten me with your rainy name, ‘Manu’ that only your parents can call you.
You called me from nowhere, when I wanted to talk to you the most. You hugged me when I was expecting nothing from you. You came with your best friend Manika on my precious day, it’s not that the day was precious but your presence made it so. She indicated that you have feelings for me. And then you told me at night that how much I had been important to you. Dear, how can someone be important to life? But yes, life can be important to someone. I am that someone and you are my life. I had never been loved and I don’t know what love is but your touch always felt heavenly. You have given me everything and never ask for nothing. And that day when you asked me not to contact you, I could not say a word but to promise you for your ask. If at all I ever loved you Manu, I have all the right to message you, to contact you. (She was looking away from me and was trying to hide her tears. She said nothing.)

I said- I cannot not love you. I cannot not think about you. Today is your birthday, can you imagine how difficult it is not to wish you or not be with you. But destiny, you cannot fight with it if your feelings are strong. See, we are here again talking and loving each other. Can you deny it? You could have ignored me but you did not. We could have gone to any temple.

I am sorry. (She was crying)
I am sorry that I did this. But I was afraid to lose you. Your love is so strong that I can never stop thinking about you. I see you in my dreams. I see you in my life forever. I don’t know why I asked you not to contact me and I am burning inside because of my mistake. Is there any possibility for a new beginning? She asked.

There was no end, Manu. Our relationship can never end. And don’t cry. (I hold her shoulder, she wiped her tears and said-)

I read your email that you sent me at 12:00 am today. So you never forget that today is my birthday. (She said.)

Happy Birthday, God bless you always. (I wished and hugged her.) Whats the plan, where should we party? Am I invited? (I teased her)

No you are not. (And she pulled my ear.)

Both laughed.

-Snehil Srivastava

 Picture credit: www.ecosalon.com

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© Snehil Srivastava